i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
