if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
