our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
