When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize