is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
