Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
