So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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