I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
