I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
