WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize