I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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