New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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