and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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