just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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