if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
