I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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