Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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