you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm always down for nudity.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize