Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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