finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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