some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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