Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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