if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
