just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
