I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
