it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
