I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
