Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
