Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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