okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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