Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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