when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
