morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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