Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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