Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
