I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
