I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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