Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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