The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My liver just broke up with me...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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