he puts the penis in happiness.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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