I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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