How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
