why didn't you poke me back
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I love you.
Bad choice
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
