Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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