my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
