i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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