I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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