I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
