Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
