Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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