im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
