she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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