You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
