i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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