I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
