Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
