It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
