john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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