we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
