I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
