dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
