After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
