thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize