Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
