I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
