Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
