On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
