I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
