The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
