Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
