What a fucking waste of an outfit
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize